A Common “Offline Dating” Misconception Dispelled
Margot Finley, Finley Introductions
Matchmakers market far and wide for singles to join their database. If you are single, you may think, sounds exciting, right? However, in time, many are left wondering “why haven’t I been called with a match yet?”
How matchmakers make matches is mysterious, and it is nearly impossible for singles to know how to try to influence their matchmaker for the best matches. It is easy to lose patience, when the weeks pass after entering one’s information, and that initial excitement and anticipation begins to wane.
There could be many explanations but one factor that applies to everyone is: are you a database member or are you a paid client? That is the nut of it: what expectations should a database member have? This seems to be often misunderstood and can lead to dashed hopes and disappointment.
The decision to join as a database member is often the only choice for many, for financial reasons, given the high fees most matchmakers charge.
Those with more than adequate financial means to be a paid client still may decline to sign as a paid client, choosing to passively wait for a match. Regardless of the logic behind the decision, opting not to pay to be a matchmakers priority means that the quality and quantity of introductions will be at best a very small fraction of what any paid client receives.
The paid client is the priority. There is no obligation to match that paid client with someone already in the database. There is an obligation to find who our client wants, wherever he or she may be. Our clients have extraordinarily high standards, so we often must recruit elite matches to meet the expectations of the paid client.
Which means - even for those who are attractive, in shape, smart, successful…. they still may not match what our elite clients seek. When VIP clients pay a fee to a matchmaker, they want their version of Heidi Klum. Actually, for some, even Heidi Klum doesn’t “float their boat”. Point being, VIP Matchmakers specialize in satisfying absurdly high standards most of the time. Of course, there are many kinds of clients, and there are exceptions to every rule, which is why matchmakers need databases replete with all kinds of singles of all descriptions. We must have continual supply to meet the expectations of all kinds of paid clients. The net result is this: an assumption that being in a database for free means a good opportunity to be matched well and soon is misguided. The correct assumption is that is makes it possible.
(If you are an MDS, you are an exception. If you are unsure if you are a MDS (Most Desirable Single), ask your matchmaker. Ask what your chances are to get introductions as a free member. Matchmakers are straight shooters. Better to know.)
Brad Pitt and Charlize Theron certainly are MDS’s. So let’s say Brad and Charlize are not paying a fee , but they have both agreed to let us propose a match from time to time. You want to be considered? Since they are free clients, we will only send them a paid client as a date option. Hence unless you are our paid client, you won’t be contacted to date them. If they are not paying, and you are not paying, its a non-starter. One half has to pay a fee, of course, as this is about love yes, but is still is a business. Hence if you are not an MDS, the odds are that you will want to be a paid client if your budget allows.
Going back to our example above, the opportunity to date a Pitt or Theron may sound far fetched. It is not. Hollywood agents gladly take calls from matchmakers (moi included), illustrating the reach of enterprising love connectors. Just recently a client had a crush on Danica Patrick. I immediately spoke to her agent to propose the match. Did Danica reciprocate his interest? No. (Not yet.) Paid VIP clients have this luxury and latitude. Want to date your celebrity crush? We create the legitimate opportunity in a tasteful, discreet way.
For database singles there is potential that we may call you one day with an amazing match. We want to match you! If you have an irresistible extraordinary appeal about you that our clients look for, you may become one of the lucky ones that matchmakers call often to set up with clients.
Do not let this darken your concept of matchmakers. Most matchmakers, I believe, are at heart motivated by a genuine desire to deliver true love to as many deserving people as possible. Yet, the reality of the business remains: no matter how much we may like you, if you do not match the detailed criteria of the paying client, you won’t be introduced.
For those unable to afford to hire a matchmaker, do not let this dissuade you from joining a free database. If I was single and unable to hire a matchmaker, I would for certain join several matchmakers databases, albeit with modest expectations. There is nothing to lose except the 10-15 minutes it takes to enter your information and at minimum become privy to insider events, dating advice and other tangential benefits.