Could pairing up singles help solve the Netherlands' housing crisis?

11 April 2022, By Victoria Séveno

A housing association in The Hague has come up with a unique solution for combating the Netherlands’ housing crisis: play matchmaker and pair up single people who are looking for love. Once happily coupled up, they’ll move in together - thus freeing up a house or apartment for somebody else. 

“Are you single and looking for your true love?” Staedion asks on its website, pointing out that a number of the housing association’s single tenants live in rentals that are large enough to accommodate a loved-up couple. “By connecting single residents from The Hague region, we want to make you happy in love and promote the flow in the tight housing market. Because for every two singles who move in together, a (social) rental home is left behind.”

Staedion is looking to host a matchmaking event for people of all ages, allowing them to meet new people and perhaps find a new roommate. “[The housing shortage] is a complex problem that affects all of us,” spokesperson Priscilla Bossaert told EditieNL. "If we can make people happy in love with this, that is of course a nice side effect."

Dutch government struggles to tackle housing shortage

The inaccessibility of the Dutch housing market is no secret to anyone living in the Netherlands. With students struggling to find accommodation and prospective first-time buyers facing rising house prices and an increasingly competitive market, pressure is rising on municipalities and the Dutch government to come up with solutions for the national housing crisis. 

While a number of Dutch cities and municipalities recently introduced a new law that protects the housing market from investors and property developers and the government has announced various investments into the construction of more affordable housing, associations and agencies are starting to propose their own solutions.

Whether these rather controversial and unique ideas will have any real impact on the housing market remains undecided, but Bossaert emphasised that the main goal of Staedion’s campaign is to raise awareness about the crisis: “If we get good matches…that's a nice bonus."

DATING IN THE HOLIDAY SEASON

 Love in the Holiday Season:  Be Present not Perfect

Margot Finley, Certified Relationship Coach and Certified Matchmaker

For newly dating couples the holiday season can be magical, but also can lead to a bit of anxiety.  Especially when one may be unsure about are we or are we not officially a couple.  A season full of tradition and significance poses some situations that have no clear-cut answers on how the newly smitten should navigate.  While every couple is different in terms of what works best, one strategy to take the pressure off almost any situation is to disavow any expectations of perfection for either of you individually and as a couple.

In fact, these reminders to cut yourself and your loved one some slack apply to all of us in relationships, even if married for decades….

1. Remind yourself that relationships do not require perfection from you and relationships will never be perfect.

2. It is the imperfect in us that make us vulnerable and this vulnerability is key for love to flourish.

3. Recognize perfectionist tendencies spring from an underlying desire to control situations, ultimately to feel safe, yet actually have the opposite effect. A false exterior (perfection) may make one feel protected, but it also prevents love from getting past those walls too.

4. Vow to not let perfectionism steal the spontaneity and joy of a newfound connection or love

5. Breathe. Set aside regular time to go walking or exercise, spend time with good friends who make you laugh, do not take things too seriously, and do not think too hard about the way your relationship will play out through this holiday season.

6. Grant your new romantic interest as much leeway as he or she needs during this first holiday together. Juggling families, co-parenting, covid19 is quite enough for all of us. We all must try to give each other the benefit of the doubt when possible.

7. Ideally 75% of a couple’s interactions should be positive to be sustainable. When possible, leave the heavy pressure filled conversations and texts aside for now, especially when they may stem from an insecurity and not a real issue that needs to be resolved.

As a matchmaker, I hear every single day the raw unfiltered feedback from my single clients as they date around until focusing on one where love blossoms.   The lessons learned therein are enough to fill a book, but as it pertains to this article, and how this feedback aligns with being present not perfect, here is what I will share.   

1. It is nearly always NOT the perfectionist that tugs at the heart of the desired mate. It is always the more carefree, non-needy, joyful, light-hearted, unselfconscious, unguarded spirit that attracts.

2. In other words, trying too hard contributes to staying single. Let loose, be real, stop strategizing.

3. Do not send texts full of emotionally or philosophically heavy paragraphs. Or texts you think make you seem one way or another (sexy, sophisticated, smart, well read, whatever) which is almost always obvious and cringeworthy for everyone but the sender.

4. Know that trying to be seen as a tad more this or that than one naturally is will be detected by your date.

5. That includes gift-giving. Make gift selections based on a sincere intent to bring the recipient a bit of joy. Dig a few layers down if you have to, to assess what really your intent is. If the gift selection you are contemplating benefits you, the giver, or is selected to convey your status, or your good taste, or your social standing, or who you know, for example, then this is how you know it is time to re-think.

In closing, suffice it to say, yes we all have insecurities, and parts of ourselves we are only ready to show as a relationship progresses.  That is good and as it should be.   Just do your best to be present, positive and authentic along the way.

DATING IS HARD: Why do people have more expectations nowadays if they are choosing a partner?

People have always had high expectations, yet in the past, there were less distractions, and realities were considered that helped people prioritize what really matters.

The rise of online dating and curated social media profiles has created a catalog / shopping mentality of partner selection, to the detriment of many. That perfect person is made to seem so tantalizingly possible, but it can be an endless, fruitless chase.

A real person cannot compete with airbrushed, unrealistic, curated profiles. It has led to a “what else is out there” frame of mind. Love Life/Relationship Coaches are busier than ever, with their expertise bringing many a lonely person relief. Coaches guide singles through the hype, the distractions, the unnecessary and unrealistic and toward a fulfilling lasting love in a fun, enlightening process.

For those on the online dating merry-go-round: in order to stop the endless cycle of “shopping” for that perfect person online, pause and consider this.

One must decide which is most important: to play the field or to enjoy the benefits and comforts of a fulfilling, lasting stable relationship. Only you can decide what works for you, and you should do what makes you happy. There is no right or wrong. The dissonance and discomfort we see that occurs is when one behaves as if they want one when in fact they want the alternative more. Be honest with yourself and with your dates, and save yourself and others the heartache of mis-matched expectations.

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